I have noticed a pattern over the years, and the current disruption of the world with Covid-19 has brought this pattern to the forefront for me. I have found that whenever I feel a sense of the unknown, or being overwhelmed, or a sense of feeling uneasy about something, I have a very strong desire to paint abstract work. I have come to the realization that it is how I sort through thoughts in my head, and ultimately, put them onto the canvas. By nature, I am a quiet and very private person, but my work is very public. It’s a very vulnerable and exposing space to occupy.
When I am making big decisions in my life or in the process of making big changes, either personally or professionally, I almost always move to painting abstract work. I find that when painting abstracts, my foggy mind clears, and I seem to put those emotions quite literally onto the canvas…contained and captured energy. The resulting paintings are a mixture of any number of things… my present and past thoughts, ideas, worries and experiences, all melded into one image or a body of work. I believe that this realization is why I feel a strong sense of wanting to keep many of my abstracts for myself to live with. I have been collecting and storing certain pieces that I create, as I feel it will be important to have them with me when I am older. There are some abstracts paintings that I have sold in the past, and I now regret letting them go. They are like timestamps of my life, marking different periods of my life, and distillations of different experiences in my life.
When I am in the act of painting abstracts, something seems to happen…it grounds me, and brings my thoughts into the present…helping with editing out all of the background noise, chatter and things that are troubling me. Similar to a meditation. I experience this same sense of unencumbered joy and calm awareness when I am throwing pottery on the wheel…it brings me to focus completely on the present task at hand, and eliminates all of the extra and external noises that are pressing me down. I feel most at peace when I am painting intuitively and abstractly, with no preconceived notions of what the piece will look like when finished. I strive to paint intuitively, and let my open mind and my unrestrained hand guide the process, and put it onto the canvas. When I try to control the results, or fit myself into some invisible self-compartmentalized box that I have imagined that I should be in, I am missing the point of being an artist entirely.
I have always been one to trust my intuition, and not be afraid to make big decisions and changes based on that internal gut feeling. My wish is to fully come to accept that at the moment, while painting, that everything is exactly as it should be and whatever happens on the canvas is also exactly as it should be. My other hope is to bring people along on this journey, to share my appreciation of abstract work and the world of non-objective painting.
I am reminded of this quote that I have shared before, by the Canadian-American painter and print maker, Philip Guston:
‘Studio Ghosts: When you're in the studio painting, there are a lot of people in there with you - your teachers,
friends, painters from history, critics... and one by one if you're really painting, they walk out. And if you're really painting YOU walk out.’
I feel sense of calm and inner peace when painting intuitively. That is why I love to paint abstracts.
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